So, I started an improv class last night. Improv 101. Basic, introduction to… improv. That's it. And wow. I'm not very good. I mean, to be perfectly honest, I went in there with some ego. I was thinking, I've got all this training, and I've got all this onstage experience, and I'm a real fucking actor god damn it, and how I was just going to stand out like a beacon of light. But, I didn't. It was really, really hard for me. It was like the first time being onstage in front of people. I was nervous, I was focused too hard on being "funny", I was full of self-judgment, hell, I didn't know what to do with my hands! In an instant, my years and years of doing this was wiped clean, and I was on a level playing field with everyone else. …good. It's terrifying and I wanted to quit. Good. That, to me, means that it's probably exactly what I need. Take your medicine, Brent...
I must say, though, I can't believe I'm in school again. I mean, it's only one class, but my god… I'm in school again. I didn't think I'd ever want to be in school again. And, well, I don't. I really do hate school. Always have. Hate it hate it hate it. But I want to learn this stuff, and it seems to me, that this is probably the best way for me to do that. So, I won't like that I'm in school, but I will endure it, and I will try to focus on my lessons.
In more shocking news: I went to the clinic today to get checked out. Nothing wrong that I knew of, but it's something that I make I point of doing regularly. And by "checked out", I mean, "checked out… down there... like you know…", but you probably guessed. And I'm a careful person, so I wasn't expecting any surprises. But I got one, big time, and it really threw me for a loop. I was shocked, surprised… scared, but the results were right there in front of me: I am ten pounds heavier than I thought I was! TEN!! How could this happen!? But sure enough. I've noted all do well the sort of "melting" phenomena that has been taking place in my abdominal region recently, and I haven't been doing anything about it. What's more, I haven't been working out, so this isn't like, muscle weight here. In fact, my muscles have been atrophying, which means I've probably not merely gained 10 pounds of fat, but I've probably lost 5 pounds of muscle and gained FIFTEEN pounds of fat! Maybe I'm over-reacting, but y'know, for a guy who had worked so hard to get into the best shape of his life within the last year, to now be in the worst shape of my life… well, it's really upsetting for me. I have changes to make, and I'm going to start making them immediately. Right after this muffin...
On the brighter side, though, me rod n' tackle are looking good. Really good, actually. The doctor asked if I could spare a few minutes so that he could do a watercolor of them, but I said, "No, I've got to get to work. Now feel my balls for lumps and let me get out of here."
Also, did you know how far technology has come with regards to HIV testing? In my day, they took some blood, and then you had to check back in a week for your results. A whole week of agonizing and worrying (even if you didn't really have anything to worry about, you can't help it), before you hear back. Now, they give you a plastic stick which you rub briefly on you gums and hand back to them. You get your results in twenty minutes. TWENTY! I didn't even have a chance to start agonizing. Fast, easy, painless. You have NO EXCUSES not to be doing this, people!
I will end on this: I have been trying to get people amped up for some snow-tubing since, oh, what, November now? Yeah. As of January 23rd, there has been zero tubable snow, and I feel like a jag-off. I'm still crossing fingers, though. My tubes and thermos are in a box, lying in wait, ready to pounce, and so am I…
XO,
B
P.S. Weezer's second album Pinkerton is brilliant beyond brilliant. I would say it's savagely beautiful. If you don't own it, you should. You need to. Some music is better than therapy. Because it's not merely exquisite and complex, but it fucking rocks too! Word to your mom.
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