Monday, September 10, 2007

Meet the Meat (of the FUTURE)

Okay, we've all heard about how bad meat is for us these-a-days because they're pumping so many antibiotics and hormones into the cows and chickens (and what not). Well I say fuck it. That's right, fuck it. Clearly this trend the meat-industry is on is irreversible, so instead of fighting it, let's go all the way with it. That’s right, ALL THE WAY. What am I saying? Don't inject the animals we eat with less antibiotics and hormones, inject them with MORE! Do you understand what I'm saying here?

Stay with me. I'm saying inject the cows and chickens with a certain, specific type of antibiotic or hormone that BENEFITS humanity each in a different, specific way. I'm talking prescription meat-products here people!

Imagine it: Got a nasty sinus-infection? Better take a Zythromax-burger. Pneumonia? A penicillin-pork-bun is what you need. Fucked around and got the clap in Tijuana? Sip a Cipro-milkshake and soon it won't hurt when you pee!

But hey! Why stop there? In such a heavily medicated society, why not just go all the way? Don't want to get pregnant, ladies? Don't forget to take your birth-control-McNugget every day. Hey fellas, having a tough time with erectile dysfunction? Well a Viagra-sausage will get you (and your sausage) straightened out in no time! Can't stop crying? Try the Prozac-pimento-loaf.

See? In my new America there would be a butcher at every Walgreen’s, and a pharmacist behind every deli-counter. It's good for the pharmaceutical industry, it's good for the meat industry, and it's good for America God damn it.

I'm Brent Rose, and I approve this message.

-BR 7.4.05

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